luna_rainbow | Entries tagged with rossaer

So after writing Rossaer's backstory for a few months, repeating the aptitude test yields some slightly different results. He's actually much more ambivalent from Vivant's perspective, but on his own he's level-headed and tries his best to be on the same side as the law and goodness.

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXX (7)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Neutral - XXXXXX (6)
Chaos --- XXXXXX (6)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Evil ---- X (1)

Myer Brigg's personality type:

ISTJ
Introvert(11%) Sensing(12%) Thinking(75%) Judging(67%)
You have slight preference of Introversion over Extraversion (11%)
You have slight preference of Sensing over Intuition (12%)
You have distinctive preference of Thinking over Feeling (75%)
You have distinctive preference of Judging over Perceiving (67%)

After a long thought, I've put Rossaer back under introvert. Probably if he hadn't been through all that abuse, he'd be an extrovert as he relates quite comfortably with people, but I think after everything, what makes him feel safest is probably quiet time...not necessarily alone, but with only a small handful of people he can trust.

Keeping this as record. Apparently INTP/ESFJ are about as unalike as you can get and not likely to get along. Ah weelz.

( V+R )

So occasionally I do litmus tests and such things on my characters, just for fun.

It's interesting to consider the alignments (D&D style) of Vivant and Rossaer, possibly two of my most ambivalent main/major characters (along with Lyriel...) The test is not entirely relevant but still interesting.

Rossaer first:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (25)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (28)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (19)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (18)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (15)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXX (14)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- XXXXXXXX (8)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXX (10)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)
Neutral - XXXXXXXX (8)
Evil ---- XXXX (4)

The summary is...the results are ambivalent. Actually I think the targeted results fall closer to what I had predicted: he generally acts out of goodness, but (being authority) with a good dose of cynicism for the law and yet at the same time there is a self-destructive loyalty that directs him to follow orders from certain sources, hence the highly ambivalent results for Law/Chaos. I think, oddly, that family is a major weak point for Rossaer - oddly because he of all people have all the reasons to scorn the idea of a "family". And equally oddly, Vivant has no desire to connect himself with a family. He will treasure Hinkan (and probably Rossaer) but he will do so in a way he imagines a family to be, without actually trying enact or seek the family dynamic.

Vivant's results are unsurprisingly similar:

Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (27)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (23)
Lawful Neutral -- XXXXXXXXX (9)
True Neutral ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (24)
Chaotic Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (20)
Lawful Evil ----- XXXXXX (6)
Neutral Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (21)
Chaotic Evil ---- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (17)

Law & Chaos:
Law ----- X (1)
Neutral - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (16)
Chaos --- XXXXXXXXXXXX (12)

Good & Evil:
Good ---- XXXXXXXXXXX (11)
Neutral - XXXXXXXX (8)
Evil ---- XXXXX (5)

But Vivant is a lot more apparently anti-authority than Rossaer. I think here a lot of the questions are really not applicable, because Vivant is probably one of those people who will always be penniless because he just doesn't give a damn. He also doesn't give a damn about a lot of things in general, including authority and trying to free the masses from the reins of authority. I would have put him as a true neutral or a chaotic neutral, someone who is habitually indifferent and has very little prejudiced morals defining his actions.

Current Mood: thoughtful

There are few characters who elevated so quickly in my opinions as this guy...apart from maybe Neillan.

The little prince of southwest Talgrith. It's funny to call him that, because he has a pretty big personality and even though I do imagine him as...well, not a large person, but I don't associate him with being the little pampered royalty, like Sigmund. LOL. Vivrael can get away with patronising Sigmund and calling him "princeling", but Rossaer doesn't have the protected greenhouse feel to him. And he'd probably hit Vivant if he tried LOL.

The Hanged Man is associated with sacrificing physical wealth for spiritual wealth. I think his choices later on fit the descriptions of the card more closely - the loss of his attachments to his current identity (okay...I have to say, it wasn't so much HIS choice as Vivant's fault), the change in perspective, the wisdom he gains from that.

I don't think he ever has an epiphany as the card suggests, not even quite as dramatic as Vivant's "reverse epiphany", if there is such a thing >_>;;; The changes come over him slowly, but I think he does change. Even though a lot of the chapters since his introduction are changing the readers' first impressions of him, I think he also changes during that time. But I don't think he tries to be the good guy or wants to pay the price, there is a strong element of selfishness in his decisions, which might sound bad, but I think he also tries to balance his own selfishness with the number of people he would hurt.

On that thread he's similar with Vivant (although I think there are many points in which the two of them are similar, and many others in which they are interesting dichotomies), who also makes a lot of choices out of selfishness, but I think they both understand that, and there's a little part of themselves who won't forgive their own actions.

I don't know what sort of ending to give Rossaer. I think whatever ending I give will be incredibly unfair to either Vivant or Rossaer or both.

I think after Vivant saves him, Rossaer is very clear about what he wants from life, and if he's not going to get it, he's not afraid to end it. He's not so much suicidal as...I think he just doesn't see that the life he leads after Vivant saves him as a continuation of who he was before. Maybe in some ways he sees it as borrowed time, with only one reason for its existence, and if that disappears then he doesn't want to hang around.

It's emerging that the two of them are precious to each other. Rossaer gives Vivant a place to be completely unfettered that even Hinkan can't give. The two of them sharpen their claws on each other but lean on each other's backs to fight the world. Rossaer's also very focused and very pragmatic. If he has a goal he will achieve it, regardless of moral ramifications, even if he has considered them. For someone disillusioned with the world, Rossaer turns out to be the very companion that Vivant needed.

But I think it would be incredibly unfair to leave Rossaer's story unfinished, and yet, I think if he dies it would be something Vivant would find it hard to get over, because he will always be searching for Rossaer, and I think whoever he finds - even if he finds Rossaer again - he'll be disappointed.

I can't seem to imagine it would work out in any way. I think Vivant would be really stricken by the vulnerability Rossaer reveals if Rossaer does drive himself to a death. Even now, Vivant is wary of people's infatuated gratitude, for kind acts he believes aren't worth all the emotional repayment. But I think the main thing Vivant will feel is guilt. In some ways Rossaer has probably convinced him that saving him was a selfish act on Vivant's part. However debatable that is, Vivant knows that out of everyone he has saved, Rossaer is the only one who has no other attachments to the world, whose only real bond was formed with Vivant.

If Rossaer dies on the battlefield I think it would be terrifying for a boy who's always been afraid of being alone, even if only Vivant has noticed it, and I think Vivant would wish that he hadn't sent Rossaer off to die by himself in a foreign land, giving his life and his happiness for people he didn't need to care about.

If Vivant finds Rossaer just before he dies on the battlefield I think Rossaer would wish that he could live the same way, even with all the horrors of the first fifteen years of his life, just to meet Vivant again. I think he would ask Vivant to look for him, because I think he is still afraid of going alone, and I think Vivant would not be able to rest until he finds Rossaer, but when he does, no matter what happens, Rossaer wouldn't be Rossaer any more.

If Rossaer survives the battle and finds Vivant after Vivant has died, I think he would do everything to latch on to Vivant, even if they both know that it's only going to hurt them both the longer they hold on. Vivant will tell him that he won't age and he doesn't want to watch his friends age and die, and Rossaer will ask that he spends just two more years with Vivant, and never again after that. I wonder if Vivant will agree to it, weakened by his own fears and loneliness and faced with a Rossaer who's laid bare his vulnerability. But if he agrees, he knows he will be too kind to Rossaer, and in the end, as the deadline nears, both of them will wish for it to go on a little longer...and perhaps a little longer more...and one day the bond will bear no more and will snap, cutting them both.

But I can't imagine Rossaer and Vivant being together for centuries, even if I can contrive something that lengthens Rossaer's life. I think they will get sick of each other very quickly, and I think Vivant will be fearful of what time will do to them both. Will they look back in a few decades and wish they hadn't continued like this, because the person they are now is not the person who was? Vivant would be afraid that time would sour even the sweetest things, and I wonder if he would think that one day he will wish Rossaer had died, because he would rather live with a bittersweet memory than a relationship that has soured beyond repair. I wonder if Rossaer will take the initiative and choose, and in that choice chain them both. I wonder if he will tie himself to Vivant, like he has done several times already, that his response to Vivant tying him down to life is to anchor himself to Vivant.

I think one half of Vivant would really want Rossaer to be there, for someone to be there. Yet on the other hand I think he wants Rossaer to be happy, because that's why he saved Rossaer in the first place, and he knows that immortality is not happiness, and that if Rossaer ties himself down by Vivant...Vivant wonders what will happen in a few century's time, when they eventually need to finish the quest. Ultimately they will need to part. Will the years give them solace in each other's company? Or will it merely deepen the apprehension of their end?

I don't know...I guess I just don't know what it feels like to live for that long. Maybe it will all turn out okay, because that much time in each other's company is enough, enough to be content and enough to overcome conflicts and enough to be unafraid, finally, to go on into peace.

(I have to say, thinking about Rossaer and Vivant has made me really sad ==; I want them both to have a happy ending, but I don't know how that's going to work.)

Current Mood: sad

I've finished writing the bit before Vivant gets to Averron...at least the bits that involve Rossaer. There's actually two other important chunks I haven't written, one is with Fuukou and the other with Kordaan, and I won't get to that until, most likely, when I actually write up to that bit.

I must say...the Rossaer-centric bits were immensely satisfying =D I am so sick of writing submissive characters, wahahahaha! To have Vivant get his claws out and really tear into people is............so immensely satisfying =D

Rossaer is actually becoming extremely like what Sigmund was to Rowan ==;;; He really needles Vivant to the edge and back. No one else drags Vivant out from behind his mask as Rossaer does, and I think he really brings out the nastiest side of Vivant...which is not to say that Sigmund brings out the nastiest side in Rowan, although he does push Rowan to the edge and he does make Rowan come out of his shell.

On the other hand, Sigmund was very different to Rowan, and very protective...or dutiful in protecting Rowan. I think...I think Rossaer and Vivant are very similar to each other ||||||Orz Oh, Rossaer's nowhere near as good-natured as Vivant, but I think the two of them are matched in intellect and cynicism. But this is coming on the heels of Vivant and Neillan being rather similar to each other and...oh well ==; I don't think Rossaer's anything like Neillan, so there must be some degree of separation somewhere.

I actually have no idea now how to finish off Rossaer's story. I would rather not kill him, but at the same time I can't imagine him living on to a ripe old age =0=;;;;;; For the record, I can imagine Kamaeh at a ripe old age, so hah! (I can also imagine Giras at a ripe old age, but let's not dwell on that...)

Rossaer was meant to go bravely to his death at some point, but now...his existence is like Sigmund ==; Vivant would be so much harder to develop without him. I think, also, that I'm feeling way too sorry for Vivant and so I'm adding all these characters who would make his life.......better. I wonder if I should stop ==;; But then all these characters who stay on are so........cool XDDDD

It's terrible when an author has favourites, because then one can't resist giving that character more time, and it shouldn't work that way ==;

But I kind of wish that Vivant and Rossaer could have had more time with each other. They're such a fun pair to write, in the "oh, there they go trying to kill each other again" way XDDDDDDD

Can I just say that....

Sometimes it's annoying writing a character who's clever? =______=;;;;;;

I know, I know, I stopped writing Rowan's story because I found him too dumb. Am I going to stop writing Vivant's story because I'm finding him too smart? Orz

I'm nearly done with the part just before they reach Averron. What was originally meant to be Terethise-centric turned so Rossaer-centric I had to rename the file ==;;;;

Thanks to Vivant's smartassness, there was at least one major change and many minor changes to what I originally envisioned.

I was originally going to have Vivant kill Rossaer's beast because he thought Rossaer went and blabbermouthed something to some people, but nooooooooo, he had to realise Rossaer didn't do it, and so I had to make up some other reason for him killing Rossaer's beast! ** (Hey, don't talk about it as though you didn't write him that way ==;) (**Actually, that reason always existed so it wasn't that I had to pull something out of my ass, so to speak ==;)

Arrrgh, now Vivant's and Rossaer's relationship has totally walked into the "It's Complicated" territory. I mean it's all very well with Rowan and Sigmund in their own complicated way, but at least that was in third person. I suspect Vivant doesn't even know how he feels about Rossaer half the time, although I could say the same for how Vivant feels about any other character at that particular point in the plot. It was a time of turmoil and change =v=

In fact, Rossaer is starting to remind me of Sigmund, which is...I don't know how that happened considering they started off so far apart (but now, come to think of it, they do have similarities in their upbringing --;;;; argh). Fortunately, Vivant is not reminding me of Rowan, but I haven't written the first bit of their time together and I suspect Vivant is much more Rowan-like-submissive in the beginning, out of requirement ==;

Rossaer's nowhere near as vulnerable as Sigmund, even though I think he's been through worse than what Sigmund has (yes...). I think the difference is he's partially at fault and he's invited much of what happened to him. Though he's in the perfect position to say "but I had no choice", he doesn't, because he knows he had made a choice to live, whatever the means. He's also not cold and tsundere like Sigmund...instead of keeping his emotions bottled up, he's more of the unsympathetic kind who cares very little for others, even at his best. I don't think he ever comes to see Vivant like Sigmund does Rowan, as an obligation or as someone he needs to protect.

I'm doing retrograde(?) Writing again. I've skipped forward to the bit just before Vivant goes to Averron (as opposed to last time, when I was writing Vivant in Averron). I'm afraid the Ponnlay arc is rather tedious, but it's important in setting up the characters and I don't want to shirk ~~too much~~ on that.

The problem with retrograde(?) writing is that things have danger of becoming inconsistent, but I want to write it before I forget the ideas, as I have regrettably done for other bits of the plot ~~;;; I'm hoping that going with the vibe will help this time...and besides, I really need Vivant to rip into people (this is getting to be a trend).

This post is really for me to bounce ideas and to comb things into some sort of sense, which means I'll probably disagree with what I say here in a few days XDDDDD

I think I wrote down a long time ago somewhere that Vivant is such a good actor that he doesn't even know who his real self is. He's not so much an actor as a becomer? He's not quite like, for example, Moist, who easily dons various masks...I think for a large part Vivant believes the role he assumes. At the moment he's acting the part of the carefree, well-meaning, morally righteous boy because it suits him. Because I think for a long time he believes that's what he needs to be and he becomes it. I guess most people have an ideal image of themselves and work towards it, but maybe the difference for Vivant is he assumes it so easily...and discards it just as easily. It's what I've been trying to get at in his exchange with Neillan...for a moment he really believed his own words, he meant very much every compliment he paid to Neillan, but at the same time he realised how easy it was for him to then step back and detach from it, to slip just as easily into another thinking mode.

I think after a while he loses himself. He doesn't know who he really is any more. He's uncertain what's important any more, because he could so easily slip from one perspective to another. He doesn't know if he truly cares for other people, because in one role it would be so easy for him to weep at how much love and trust people place in him, and in another role it would just as easy for him to trample over their good intentions and walk away with a shrug. He doesn't know if he's truly carrying out his duties as a Master Sorcerer, or if he's driven by an anger that he needs to quench.

Anyway, enough about Vivant.

Rossaer, the little prince I've been both dreading and looking forward to writing...sort of like Neillan at the time, actually. Happily, with what I've been writing recently, he's been sketched into shape, and I think the result is better than I originally envisioned. It's hard to actually describe his character at the moment because I haven't written enough, except to say that he's nothing like Neillan XDDDD At the moment the story is full of nice guys or morally righteous guys, and fortunately he isn't one =D Can you tell how frustrated I am at how nice everyone is at the moment? LOL.

He's slightly older than Vivant, always planned him to be, and I think both boys are far older than their years. Rossaer's environment made him a cynic and also an amoralist. A part of him knows the morals and wants to follow them, but the overruling pragmatic part knows it's fruitless. In that aspect, at their first meeting, he's the direct opposite of Vivant, who stuck bravely to the morals but was always harbouring a nasty streak that he had to keep sedated.

I don't think Vivant ever ends up liking him all that much, but I think in fact they do like each other a lot (yes weird). It's like they come to an understanding that they will like each other by not liking each other, and trust each other by not trusting each other. I think later on Rossaer becomes special in a way that Rossaer himself realises but Vivant doesn't, and Rossaer fosters it...so that he becomes the only place in which Vivant can play out his nastiness without feeling guilty. I don't think it's self-sacrifice. At first I don't think Rossaer even means it to be, but I think Vivant makes it hard for Rossaer to hate him, and unable to help himself, Rossaer finds himself attached, to the one person who gives him a place and who's seen all his dirty laundry and still accepts him...even if it means being nasty to each other. Vivant is no follower, and neither is Rossaer, and I think these two kids fight with each other for dominance, not because they necessary want to lead the other, but because it's turned into a game that they need to play in order to feel they are still themselves.

Rossaer himself is also a good actor...at least, he's good at turning on the charm. He's the forbidden fruit with an alluring scent and a lethal taste...I know that sounds terrible in light of what he is, but I think he has that sort of effect on people. When he does turn the charm on, when he doesn't make the effort to be the villain, people fall for him, for his dangerous beauty and his dominating aura. They want to follow him because he doesn't need them to mandate his confidence...and I think in real life, crowds get smitten by people like that.